After speaking with more than 5,000 men in the last few years about their sexual dysfunctions, here’s what I’ve learned about Premature Ejaculation (PE):
Premature Ejaculation (PE) is defined as ejaculation during sex EARLIER than a man or his partner would like.
It is a common condition affecting about 1 in 3 guys during their lifetimes.
(yes – women can get PE, too. For now, let’s focus on the dudes).
Often, PE is strongly associated with other forms of sexual dysfunction, including ED, low libido, and sexual anxiety.
Many men (and their partners) suffer frustratingly in silence with this condition.
PE is often considered a problem that afflicts younger, sexually inexperienced patients – but surprisingly, prevalence doesn’t vary significantly across most age groups.
It can affect anyone at any time.
And it IS a problem.
It can lead to serious relationship difficulties, divorce, and depression.
WHY does PE happen?
There are a variety of different reasons.
Here’s the list. Pick your poison.
- Anxiety & Stress
- Genetics
- Hypersensitivity of the Penis
- Abnormal Serotonin Levels
- Erectile Dysfunction
- Hormonal imbalances
- Lack of Sexual Experience
- Relationship issues
- Prostatitis or other infections
- Medications
- Performance Pressure
- Hyperactive Ejaculatory Reflex
- Early Sexual Conditioning
- Depression
- Low self esteem
- Lack of sexual communication
- Physical fatigue
- Substance Abuse
- Porn
- Aging
- Circumcision
- Injury
There’s more – but you should be able to narrow it down.
It’s worth it to chat with a sexologist or naturopath who can help you figure it out if you can’t.
PE is divided into 2 categories: LIFELONG vs. ACQUIRED.
Just as it sounds – lifelong means you have always popped off too quick; acquired means it has developed over time, for whatever reason.
PE is then further divided into severity:
Mild, moderate, or severe.
This is based on your IELT – intravaginal ejaculatory latency time.
How long can you stay fully penetrated inside your partner until ejaculation?
(Similar data exists for homosexual partners as well)
Severe PE = IELT of 1 minute or less.
Moderate PE = IELT of 3 minutes or less
Mild PE = IELT of 5 minutes or less
So what it the RIGHT AMOUNT OF TIME that you should be able to maintain your erection before ejaculation?
How quick is too quick?
According to a recent survey of women about IELT, the ranges of intercourse activity times were defined as:
1-2 minutes: “too short”
3-7 minutes: “adequate”
7-13 minutes: “desirable”
13-30 minutes: “too long”
My wife and I have a super romantic code for whenever we want to get off.
It goes: “Hey, you got 13 minutes?”
Expectations for sexual intercourse should be well defined between couples.
Are you in it for a quickie?
Or do you want it to go long and sweaty?
Understanding your partners’ wishes and desires will go a long way towards defining your own.
But you need to be realistic.
Some patients will come into our clinic with severe PE and have totally bonkers notions about being able to last 30 minutes, shooting footlong ropes, and having multiple orgasms over several hours.
Guys – this is ridiculous.
You are watching too much porn.
What this IELT survey (and several others) tells us is that MOST partners DO NOT WANT you banging away at them for half an hour.
This isn’t to say that there aren’t some thirsty people out there who want to be pounded deep into the mattress – all the time, every time, for a really long time.
If that’s you – ok! Go for it!
No one is stopping you.
Power to you (and an ice pack).
But for regular, active, and normal sexual relations, a solid 10-15 minute session is all that’s needed for both partners to achieve their desired level of gratification.
So the big question is, and why you made it this far: HOW can I fix my PE?
There’s several answers here and you should consider them all.
1) Basic PE Training
There are a few physical training techniques which you can try at home, safely and carefully, to keep you from popping too quickly.
I’m not a fan of most of them, but they have some efficacy.
i) Condoms: Yes, they suck. But worth a try if you find yourself overly sensitive to a nice moist hole.
ii) Start & Stop: This is really the best move you can try. Stimulate yourself towards orgasm, then stop before you pop. Then start again. Start & Stop can be practiced via masturbation (think of it like banging a tennis ball against the wall), and eventually graduating to sexual activity with a partner. This is training for your cock.
iii) Squeeze: I’m not a fan of this move. Squeezing the head of your penis when you are about to orgasm is like covering your mouth when you are about to puke. It’s going to come out somewhere (this is a joke, of course). As well, if done improperly, the ‘Squeeze’ could lead to penile injury (yes, we’ve seen this before).
iv) Drugs: Pde5i medication, antidepressants, topical numbing agents. Horrible. Avoid like the plague. These are just masking the problem.
2) Change your Masturbation Technique
If you are one of the 92% of men who have masturbated regularly at one point in their lives, you have to consider that you may be doing it all wrong.
And by wrong, I mean: you are overstimulating yourself.
One of the first questions I ask PE patients: Are you a stroker – or a tugger?
Strokers do the old 5 knuckle shuffle by gliding their hand up and down their penis with (or without) lubrication, which closely simulates the act of sex.
Tuggers, on the other hand, tend to pull their penis, which most sex acts do not simulate.
In our clinic, we have noticed, that patients with acquired PE tend more likely to be strokers. If you are a stroker, and you ejaculate quickly during masturbation, how do you think this will translate to an actual sex act?
Likely not well.
Either learn to take your time while masturbating (Start & Stop) and practice lasting longer, OR change your technique.
If you can last longer while tugging, try sex positions that are like tugging.
3) Change your Ejaculation Frequency
While the science is somewhat mixed on what is deemed a healthy rate of ejaculation (a recent study showed that you should be blowing your load 21 times per month for the sake of your prostate), it’s far from settled as to what is the correct frequency for optimal health.
Sex is healthy and increases your testosterone levels.
Excess masturbation has been shown to reduce testosterone levels.
So it’s best to save your seed for your partner, always, but when in doubt, it’s safe to ‘take care of yourself’ to ‘get the poison out’.
But in excess, it’s likely to be detrimental.
If you or your partner feel that your masturbation is affecting your relationship, then it’s likely that you have a problem.
4) Pelvic Floor Physiotherapy
Training and Strengthening the Pelvic Floor is shown to improve PE and ED conditions
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30979506/
Awareness and timing of pelvic floor muscle contraction, pelvic exercises and rehabilitation of pelvic floor in lifelong premature ejaculation: 5 years’ experience
5) Focused Shockwave Therapy (FST)
Patients with PE who underwent Focused Shockwave Therapy saw a nearly 100% increase in intravaginal ejaculation latency time (IELT) from 38 seconds to 75 seconds. Efficacy and Safety of Extracorporeal Shock Wave Therapy in the Treatment of Chronic Prostatitis/Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome and Acquired Premature Ejaculation Patients – PubMed
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37611558/
FST is painless, side effect free, and requires no medications or downtime.
Conclusion
Here’s some straight dope.
You may not like this, but: You really just need to learn how to fuck.
Much like toilet training – where you train your body to not piss yourself – you have to teach yourself to NOT come too quickly.
Maybe you developed some bad habits over the years.
It’s OK – these can be overcome.
Getting your mental game on point is critical.
You know how in the old comedy movies there was the old joke about a guy trying not to blow his top and he’s distracting himself ‘baseball, grandma crouching in a sundress, if train A leaves Chicago at 9am going 100 miles per hour, etc.).
This is real. If all you are thinking about is not coming too quickly, then you will come too quickly. No different than if I tell you to NOT think about a pink elephant…what are you going to think about??
Let your mind seek peace during the pleasure. Enjoy the moment. Don’t worry about the ending.
Visit FocusWave Clinic to see if you are a good candidate for premature ejaculation treatment.
Our Customized FocusWave Clinic Premature Ejaculation treatment protocol includes:
4 x Focused Shockwave Therapy Treatments (once per week for 4 weeks)
3 x 1 hour treatments with a Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist
Free Discovery Call with a Board Certified Sexologist
Free Nitric Oxide Test and Nitric Oxide sample pack
COST: $1,999 plus HST
In combination with physical techniques and mental strategies, our goal is to get you lasting into the ‘desirable’ range (between 7-13 minutes) within just a few months.
No pills, no pain, and no surgery.
So give us a call – 888-558-9283 – and schedule a consultation with our team.
We specialize in the treatment of Erectile Dysfunction, Peyronie’s Disease, Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndrome, and BPH/Bladder Incontinence, as well.
There’s never been a better time to conquer this very solvable problem.
